Twenty & Troubled

The twenties bring with it some sort of entitlement, a feeling that you are now an adult and can do anything you please.  You feel on top of the world!  A feeling that feeds off the thrill of life itself.  I can tell you first-hand, you can do anything, just be prepared for the new responsibility that will follow and the trouble that you open yourself up to.

When I finally got to college, I was blown away.  This was the place for me.  I have always been an impulsive, act first, think later, kind of girl…and nothing actually changed.  My party girl mentality grew to a new level.  I could go out every weekend, blow my money on bottles upon bottles, and get through classes the next day.  I was skating by, getting into trouble with alcohol here and there but no big deal, right?

WARNING: I would have never thought my life would change in the direction it did or force me to reevaluate what I was doing, but that’s exactly what happened.  I found myself in some trouble shortly before my twentieth birthday that forced me to find some direction in life.  Step back from the party girl lifestyle and ask myself what I wanted out of life for myself.

In the beginning of October, I did something that we women should never EVER do…I drank my feelings away over a guy.  I know, stupid right?  But if you have any feeling to do so, read on and learn about the consequences before you act.  I learned it the hard way after finding myself in a little trouble and I’m still paying for it; but you don’t have to.

So I’m a girl, we get guy crazy and attached when we shouldn’t.  I have always considered myself a pretty independent person, never getting caught up in too much of the guy drama until I met this one kid the first week of college.  He was two years older than me, but we immediately hit it off.  I was down at his townhouse more than I was in my own dorm that first year of college.  We had plenty ups and downs, but we always seemed to work things out and I had never felt the same way with any other guy.  Throughout the summer, I’d take a drive up to see him often and we could just lie in bed all day and talk and there was just a connection.

He stayed home the next year, but school was actually closer to his house so I was excited to get back up to college.  I spent the first night down at his house, and then a few other nights into September.  In my mind, everything was going well, but one night, he texted me while I was at a party saying we should stop and all this crap that I deserve better than him.  Side note to any guys that happen to be reading this…saying we deserve better does not make us feel any better; that’s for us to decide, not you!

Of course I was upset and had to leave the party and go back crying to my best friend.  It was a very rough month as I missed him a lot and it ended so suddenly and I felt completely blindsided.  Then came his birthday, early October, a pretty close one year mark of our hooking up; this meant trouble.  I knew it in the back of my mind and I told my friends I was just going to drink the day away.  Well I can tell you that’s exactly what happened.  I started off with some Calico, moved on to a fresh box of wine, and when I woke up the next morning, everything was gone…but the next morning was not as consequential as was the night before.

There are a lot of black spots from the night before, gaps in time I cannot recall even with the help of people I was with, but from what I can remember…It was a Tuesday night because the next  day I was leaving for fall break.  We started drinking unusually early, but were just sitting around talking.  I slammed down some Calico, and a bit into the box of wine I go black, and that’s where the trouble begins…

After talking to people the next day, I was apparently going around like a desperate girl, crying over this guy and spilling everything I felt for him…I guess you could tell what was on my mind…I was even talking to his cousin who had no idea about the two of us, so awkward!  But here is the trouble I do remember…

All of a sudden I came into consciousness and I was behind the wheel, something I am completely against and yell at my friends when they drive.  The only thing I could think was to pull over and now.  I swerved off the road into a garden shop and sat there and took a deep breath.  What the hell was I doing??  Then I saw them.  The red and blue flashing lights in my rear view mirror; an immediate sign I was in a hell of a lot of trouble.  I rolled down the window, and he asked me how much I had been drinking that night.  Not sure if I was even able to talk or not, I somehow managed, nothing.

The cop knew as well as I that I was tanked.  That night, with a BAC of .195 I was handcuffed, spent the night driving around in the back of a police car, was read my Miranda Rights, and taken to the hospital for a blood test.  I was in a spot way out of my league and there was no taking anything I had done back.  This bit of trouble was going to haunt me.

Since the trouble I got into that night, I have begun to work through my DUI charges.  It has forced me to think about the direction of my life and where it is headed.  That night, I was portrayed as somebody I am not, and since then, I have been doing everything I can to prove that that is not who I am to many people in my life.  It has been a challenging road and I know it will get harder, but this wake-up call has forced me to sit down and realize what I really want out of life and how to reach my full potential.

I have a new awareness that I want to share with as many as I can.  It still makes me shake when I have friends who go out driving after they were drinking or when my parents drive home from the bar after a few too many drinks.  I’m forced to be in a very serious place right now because I let outside factors control my life.  My two lessons I hope you take from me: Don’t ever drink and drive, there is always an alternative.  And never never NEVER drink because of any guy!  They are not worth the trouble and it forces you to act and be someone you are not.  Learn from my mistakes and move into your twenties trouble free and with a purpose!